Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Our Journey to baby #5

I haven't even looked at my blog since 2011. Life obviously got busy with 4 kids and when I started photography (which Im now taking a break from to have baby #5!). I wanted to share some of our journey, and for those of you that don't know; our journey to baby #5. Now Im not a writer, so don't expect this to be fully poetic or super eloquent!

Unplanned, Unexpected, Fully Intended
To keep this short and simple (who doesn't like short and simple?!), I married my husband and his 3 children, after his wife unexpectedly passed away. We then had 1 child together (after my husband underwent a surgery to make that possible). You'd be safe to say that so far my life was not what I had planned or even expected for myself. Who's is?
Even though I personally went back and forth on having another child (yes another!), that was NOT what my husband wanted. I struggled with the age difference in our 4 children (today they are 17, 12, 10, and 4), and I wanted a sibling closer to Kase's age for him to grow up with. We went back and forth and clearly decided that 4 is enough (not to mention, my poor husband thought he was done having kids, til I came around!). Time for another surgery for husband.
I internally really struggled with this vasectomy. A part of me didn't fully agree. A part of me didn't want him to have it. A part of me was still really sad that, that door was officially closing. I cried for weeks leading up to it. I cried the night before. I cried and prayed for weeks AFTER it. Something within me was unsettled. A few months later, I decided to surrender and trust this was God's new plan for our family. I decided to trust in the decisions my husband made for our family, and trust in God's will for us.
6 months later I was pregnant. What?! Unplanned. Unexpected, Fully Intended by God.  I was so confused and overcome with emotions, that I just cried! My husband laughed and giggled, and couldn't have responded better. I was scared, bewildered, emotional; etc etc etc! Oh and in denial too.
Oh yeah; I said this would be short and simple.
 The beginning was very hard and I had extreme sickness; so glad that's over! I think God wipes our memory of all the bad and hard parts of pregnancy; otherwise people would only have 1 child! ha. I couldn't keep anything down and my OB wanted to bring a nurse to our home, to give me IV fluids. Our insurance actually didn't cover home health, so I just got thru it.  What a terrible feeling to constantly be sick, and feel like you cant even walk around!
Most people don't know that at our first ultrasound, it appeared there were TWO heartbeats. Now that was unplanned, and unexpected for sure! I totally wanted to ignore the whole "maybe 2" part. I was already so emotional and in denial, about being pregnant in the first place! Breathe. Breathe. My OB kept telling me I had extreme sickness because of multiples, but I just wanted to ignore all that! They wanted me to return a few weeks later, for a second ultrasound to get a better look as the babies grew a little more.
The night before my second ultrasound, I was up for hours during the night with the worst pain I've ever felt. I literally felt like I was giving birth and needed to get to the ER, but I couldn't get off the bathroom floor. (I've also had stomach trouble my entire life, so sometimes its difficult to distinguish between bad IBS, and something actually being wrong).
The morning of the ultrasound I began having bleeding. My ultrasound quickly turned from looking for 2, to looking for any. My husband and I made it thru my apt, went on for blood work, and waited for my doctor to call me. I had such extreme sickness, that I was throwing up in the waiting room, and just felt so dizzy and sick overall. It was a terrible feeling.
Medically, not much was explained. I was told I had a "vanishing twin", and had an extra sac that was empty. That one baby stopped growing at some point, and the current baby and pregnancy was fine and would continue healthy and normal. Talk about confusing! Emotionally we had gone thru a whirlwind of being pregnant after a surgery, the thought of having twins, miscarrying 1, but then being so thankful for the continued pregnancy and health of baby "K". I was put on bed rest for 1 week and followed up with my doctor continuously during the first few months of my pregnancy. THANKFULLY, the sickness ended about month 5 (but man, that's a long time!!!) and I've continued a normal and healthy pregnancy.
Today we're ready to meet our sweet baby girl; baby #5. Im almost 37 weeks pregnant, and thankful to have made it to full term! There is so much to have been scared about, to fear, to worry. But you can't deny or argue with God's hand and will.
This is was our journey; our journey to baby #5.
Our journey has definitely been unplanned and unexpected, yet; fully Intended by God!

Telling the kids the baby is a girl!



  1. I'm glad you got to write your story; what a story! This will be great to have for the future. Love you and can't wait to meet my sweet niece!

  2. Hi old friend! What a beautiful story God is writing for your family! Congratulations on this blessing!

  3. Very well written....I really enjoy reading this post.